Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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