Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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