Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
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If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
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I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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