Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize