you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize