Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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