guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
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Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I am available for nakedness
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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