just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
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I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize