Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize