Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize