Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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