FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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