dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
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i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
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I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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