Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
this beer tastes like vomit already
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
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I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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