Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
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i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
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Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
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