You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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