That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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