the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
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You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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