Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize