My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize