I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
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Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
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my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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