I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize