I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
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Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
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PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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