Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize