Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
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by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
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I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Drake has all the answers
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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