You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I see more hoeing in ur future
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