He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
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He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
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I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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