come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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