We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
did i just pee glitter
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