can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
NoShamevember. You game?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize