I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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