I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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