When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
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the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
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Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize