Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize