so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize