The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize