This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
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Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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