Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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