we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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