we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
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I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
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Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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