If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
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Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
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You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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