I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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