you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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