note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize