dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
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True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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