after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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