Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
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We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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