I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
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Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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