You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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