So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize